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Little_MissObsessive
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Name: Jenny
Birthday: 6/15/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: movies, music, magazines, boys, partying it up on weekends, contradicting myself, dancing around my room, kissing, laughing, being in love, and doodling.
Expertise: running from reality, making awkward situations, and falling for bad boys
Occupation: student
Industry: Advertising and art history
AIM:  conflictedjen
Member Since:
5/22/2006
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| Life has been incredibly insane these days. I feel like December will be here before I know it and I am so far from prepared. This internship is becoming more of a pain than a life experience. When I come into the office, GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO. I don't work at the speed of a turtle, therefore I need more than a single task every week. I wish that I had a real job but I'm not quite ready to grow up yet. I feel like I'm stuck in this in between.... And before I know it I will be a "POST GRAD". Scary shit right there. Maybe I should just stop worrying, huh?
I think I might look into getting some of my poetry published. I've always been told I'm good writer and people in my poetry workshops have responded well to what I have written. Maybe it's worth a shot? I don't know... I guess I will just leave it all up to chance and see where I end up.
I have decided that trying to date is a waste of my time. I don't like the guys I meet nor I do actually have time to spend with anyone but myself, my computer, my books, the dog and the cat. I spend more time studying in my last semester of college than throughout all of college. How ironic. | | |
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| Today officially begins my last semester of undergraduate... and I'm secretly terrified. This is a big deal. I have to figure out what I want to do with THE REST OF MY LIFE. And I'm pretty sure the rest of my life needs to not include the boy. That might be the scariest thing I am facing... letting him go and everything that will go with him. But I know that if I give myself some space, put some distance between who I am and the girl he fell in love with, I can walk away from this with just the scars I already have-nothing more and nothing less. The only problem with staying away from him is Roxy, our dog. I have this year and I love her and I can't just give her up, but I may have to. She's this constant reminder of him and she gives him the right to pop back up whenever he wants. And that means taking me completely off guard and turning my world upside down every few days.
Gah... just get over it!
I am hoping this semester will go by smoothly-3 english classes and 2 art history. I start my internship with the American Red Cross this afternoon and I can finally see myself starting to build the rest of my life. The only thing left is studying for the GRE and actually getting accepted into graduate school.
So here's to a new semester and all it may bring. Here's to a new Jenny and all she may be. | | |
| It's amazing to me how I lose hours of my life thinking. How I lose so much time spent sitting, wondering how to make all this pain fade away. It comes in waves, and as soon as one painful sensation passes another one begins. I try to peel away layers of myself to only find there is more hidden pain that I am completely incapable of dealing with. Why can't they make some painkiller that eases the pain of a broken heart, a broken existence? How can you possible begin to find yourself again when the one thing that made you feel so complete is gone? And what hurts the most is knowing that he is still just around the corner, but everyday choosing to live without you? It's more of a burden than I can bear, more of a weight than I can carry with me... If I had been different, if I had made him open up a little more, if we had spent a little more time talking about our love, would we have survived? Would we have made it past those obstacles? There are no answers in the darkness, and I feel like I have nothing left. | | |
| It's been far too long... and things have changed.
Yet some things will always remain the same.
I'm finding myself in ways I didn't know I even existed and every day I feel myself getting stronger in my beliefs and my ideas... I find that it is easier to let go and forget now, and to decide what is best for ME instead of trying to make others happy. But the further away I push the ones that I do not want anymore, the more obvious it becomes about who it is I want.
Will I ever not want him? Will I ever not wish for him to pick me at the end of the day? I don't know. But hopefully I am well on my way to finding this out. | | |
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